I set up this blog a couple of weeks ago with every intention of writing on it, but in typical fashion I hyper-focused on the technical aspects of it (see? I can apply my software skills after all!) yet ended up paralysed when confronted with actually writing on it. Like staring at a blank journal, intimidated by possibilities.
So let’s do the old trick of just making some mark on the pages to desecrate the hallowed ground. In real life, I’ve been keeping a journal for the past 8 months or so, and I don’t intend to replace that and have this devolve into some sort of confessional chamber (the way I treated my late teens - early twenties blog) - I have a therapist and a journal for that. But there’s still other things I want to start out to the world, just a tiny shout of: I’m here and I exist. Posting on social media is such an overwhelming task these days (a topic for another time) but I do want to shout things into the void sometimes. To reaffirm my existence in a way, or some sort of exposure therapy for presenting myself without needing everything to be perfect.
So my intention is to talk about things I find interesting that might be coherent enough to put into words. I’m not really aiming for any frequency, just what feels right, and the posts will be pretty rough as part of the thing I’m trying to combat is the unhelpful perfectionism. “Perfect is the enemy of the good” and all that.
Turning 32 in a few hours - technically I already did if we go by my birth time and timezone. Yet I’m still as lost as ever, if not the most lost I’ve been my whole life. Trying to love some littler things these days, finding joy in playing music again and learning to accept where I am in life, even the bad things. And to listens to all the voices in my head without dismissing them. Which, it turns out, is awfully hard.